His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
