You made me cry and you don't even care
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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