Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
