If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
