this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
