so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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