Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
