So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
