Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize