i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
