Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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