The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
