do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
