I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She made me pour olive oil on her.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
