one two three fourrrrnication!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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