I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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