...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
