Where did you get a picture of my penis
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
