College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I want her autograph on my taint
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
