It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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