I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
