so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm really busy with my period
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