3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I looked at my own cervix.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
