I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
