and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
