I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
