I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
