i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
