Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
