Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
