In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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