No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
