he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
