It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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