My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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