why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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