I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
