I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
