Small penises have feelings too.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
