i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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