I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You can't special order awesome
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
