I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize