I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
