An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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