Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
How's work?
Spinning.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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