ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
