Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Randomize
