If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
