Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
