forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
