Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize