I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
