ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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