Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
