wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
