wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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