Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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