Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
