The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
