And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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