I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
