So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
