why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
