I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
