I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
