I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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