she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
