i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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