I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
