it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
