I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
