I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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