"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
