I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
