Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
