what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize