ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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