what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
