Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
