Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
